Being jokes

Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"

I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."

Don't be scared of skeletons.

They don't have the guts for murder.

What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?

"Stop it! It hertz so much!"

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.

I want my first time to be special.

Do not be racist; be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

Would masturbating while smoking weed be considered masturblazing, weedwhacking, or highjacking?

It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common? There used to be two of them, but now it's a sensitive subject.

People say that biting off your finger would be as easy as biting a carrot if your brain didn't try to stop you. How the f do people know that and how many people's fingers did they bite off before coming to that conclusion?

Why do you call a priest a father? Because calling them daddy would be too sus.

Your hairline is like the universe. It's still waiting to be discovered.

I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.

He had a change of race tho when he died.