Being jokes
Don’t worry if you have a stroke.
You’ll be all right.
Where are the best shooting ranges in America?
Used to be in schools, but now in subways.
Your forehead's so big, when you were being born, the doctors thought you had no face.
Being raped is like a dance; sometimes it hurts, sometimes it hurts more.
Teacher: "I used to be an orphan once."
Student: "That’s sad."
Teacher: "Anyways, who is away today?"
Student: "Your parents."
I do consider Johnny Depp to be a victim of domestic violence.
Just like how I consider a children's hospital run by Michael Jackson and a retirement home run by Harold Shipman to be both safe places to be in.
Why can't all guys be more like Kenny? He doesn't get all upset when his mom isn't in the mood.
A man gets an email from his doctor.
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tomorrow."
The man thinks to himself, "Oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
A policeman found a dead body of a man on the street. He thought he recognized the body and the 2 friends he usually hung out with, so he called in one of the friends.
The friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." The policeman called in the 2nd friend. The 2nd friend looked into the dead body's face and said, "Yep, that's definitely Joe," but then, to be absolutely sure, he turned the body over, pulled down the back of his pants, and said, "Oh no, wait, that's not Joe." Confused, the policeman asked, "How is it that when you look into his face you're sure he is your friend, but when you look at his ass you're sure he is not?"
The 1st friend said, "Well, you see, Joe has 2 assholes." "Are you serious?" the policeman asked. "Oh yes," he replied, "we've never actually seen them, but when the 3 of us hang out together people point and say, 'Hey, there's Joe with those 2 assholes.'"
How is being gay like a geology class? You can lick all the rocks you want.
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't know who to call daddy.
My opinion on abortion is very divided. Like, on the one hand, I like the idea of killing babies, but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices.
What do you call a mouse that doesn't like being known about?
Anonymouse.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
Why can't orphans be gay?
They don't have a closet to come out of.
I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.
What is the hardest part of twerking?
Being black.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.