Being jokes
What’s the difference between a cow and 9/11?
A cow can’t be milked for 21 years.
You wonder where my dad is.
Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
Lucifer is caged by Jesus, cuz he got tired of being alone on a pedestal.
Guys, don’t suck your own dick, it does not feel like your dick is being sucked, it feels like you're sucking a dick.
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
After standing in line staring at McDonald's menu for 17 minutes,
Me: "Okay, I'm ready. Can you help me not be sad all the time?"
Fat teachers be like: "I hope you're paying a ten chin."
I was in my car listening to my radio. Steve Winwood's song came on, "Just Roll With It, Baby." I said that must be one of Stephen Hawking's favorite songs; he sings it to his girlfriend.
Bo: Hey kids, I am so sad that you won’t exercise and give me Bo power, so I am just going to be an orphan.
Kids changing the channel to Annie.
Annie: Tomorrow, tomorrow, only a day away.
TV changing the channel back to Bo On The Go.
Dezzy: WAAAAAAAAAA, I can’t find Bo!
Don't y'all just hate when something funny to you happens and then you just have to be quiet so you don't look like a villain?
Being mean.
Why can't orphans be gay? They got no one to call daddy.
How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.
What did the mama nut say to her son?
“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”
What do an orphan's parents and Nemo have in common?
They both can't be found.
You know, their family dinners must be so happy.
My two moods are “I can’t believe I get to be a person” and “I can’t believe I have to be a person.”