Being jokes

Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay, they would be bagels.

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

Asking for a friend.

My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car.

What do you get when you cross a cow with a fish? A genetically unstable animal that is impossible and would die instantly upon existing. If it could live, it would be a deformed, parasitic tumor that undulates through people.

A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, "So what will it be this time?" The penguin doesn't answer because it's a penguin.

Anyone who makes orphan jokes... STOP! It's rude and not even funny. GET YOUR BUTT OFF THIS SITE IF YOU'RE GONNA BE RUDE!

You were supposed to be born in the tree.

The sticks were your siblings.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?

Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m., and his wife is livid. "You swore that you'd be home by 11:45!"

"No," slurs the mathematician, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of 12."

When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"

Dinosaurs be like:

".......My friends are dead, like bruhhh."

Ur hairline is like a Fortnite map at the start of a new season waiting to be identified.

If a crippled man told stories about himself, would that be called VeggieTales?

You're so fat, the only thing you could be for Halloween is the Kool-Aid Man.

There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.

On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."

So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.

After arriving home from helping the priest, a young altar boy approaches his parents, "Mommy, Daddy, my poop is white!"

The mother rushes the boy to the hospital, while the father rushes to church in a rage and proceeds to beat the living hell out of the priest. Afterwards, the father heads to the hospital and meets his wife in the waiting room; she's surprisingly calm.

"How can you be so relaxed after what that bastard has been doing to our son?" he exclaims.

The wife looks up at him, "What are you talking about? It's just a liver infection!"

Why can't orphans be gay?

'Cause they can't call anyone "Daddy."