Being jokes

Being raped until feminists are offended and butthurt.

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

What's an upside of being an orphan?

You'll never get grounded again.

I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

What is the hardest part of twerking?

Being black.

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

If Charlie Kirk were a 5-year-old schoolkid being murdered, America would have moved on by now.

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."

You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.