Being jokes

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

I was out to dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I, being 47, had many people shouting at me and calling me a creep.

It really ruined our 10th anniversary.

I used to be in a special needs class, and the teacher sent a student (if you want to call them that) out to the hall for being late.

I asked her, "Why did you send James out to the hall?"

She said, "He was a little tardy."

I replied to her, "I thought they all were."

I heard that cataracts are the third leading cause of blindness...

... the first two being politics and religion.

My cousin said being gay was such a pain in the ass and I asked him why and I said, "Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, I get made fun of." and I said, "Why? Cuz you get buttfucked?" and he said, "No, turd." Then I said, "Wow, at least I'm not the one with real pains in my ass, bro."

Why are orphans good at being a criminal?

Because they're not wanted.

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

People trying to stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”

Me: “WOW, I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT!”

What is the hardest part of twerking?

Being black.

What's the best part of being a pedophile? You will never have a wife.

1. You're so dumb, you think Cheerios are donut seeds!

2. You're so fat, you could sell shade!

3. You're just like coconut water, nobody likes you!

4. Have you been shopping lately? Because they're selling lives around the corner, you should go get one!

If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence!!

Are these good?

Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"

What did the knight say to his younger brother? "Good night."

You expected a silly pun there, didn't you? That's pretty rude. It makes light of the struggles of being a knight. Especially a good knight.

Life lesson guys:

Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.

Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.

This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.

What's worse than having an honorary degree from Harvard? Being homeless and having an honorary degree from Harvard.

Imagine being such a low life that you need people to roast you to have stuff to do.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5.

...and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, "What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?"