Being jokes
What’s the best air to breathe if you want to be rich? Millionaire.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
So, gender equality is the idea that a woman can do anything a man can, right? That they should be treated the same? So, therefore, if she swings on me, I could punch her into the Twin Towers because of gender equality. I love gender equality.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
Bitches be like "you're racist." You're right, and I'm gonna win.
Son: Dad, I think I got a girl pregnant.
Dad: Well, is she already part of the family?
Son: Yes, why?
Dad: Then there’s no need to be worried.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?
They both used to be straight.
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
You are so intelligent that parents come running to beg you to be their child!
I went home one day and see a few married guys in line in my sister's room. I ask what's going on, my sister is running a contest. The contest is the married guys lick her pussy and guess what she had for breakfast. The winner gets a free blowjob. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder that she thought that she made up that contest.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.
My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
What kind of man would be a lesbian's best friend? A decimen.
What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?
Weed: *gets hit by his own power*
Cop: Wait, shouldn’t you be resistant to your own element?
Weed: Are you resistant to bullets when you shoot a gun?