Being jokes

A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.

"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."

The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."

The End

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    • I tried a pun about water, but people "sea" right through it, and when people complain, they are usually just being a beach.

    What's the hardest thing about being a pedophile?

    Just trying to fit in.

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    • Today I explain what things are fake: serial killers, clowns, Billy, fairies, your life, God, Jesus, your mom, and all your crappy fan-fictions about being saved from your even crappier life.

    I'm also gonna explain real stuff: YouTube, your dad, scientists, teachers, God, Jesus, and Billy.

    Stuff on both is real and fake depending on who you are. Your life IS fake. A lot of idiots will read this.

    There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.

    I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic.

    He said he was being shipped to an amazing training.

    I asked, "Where are you going?"

    He said, "Camp Bin Laden."

    I asked, "What do they do there?"

    He answered, "They got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus they got arts and crafts."

    I asked, "What do you mean by arts and crafts?"

    He said, "See this towel on my head?" I nodded. "I made it out of boxer jokes."

    These nine kids were being bullied by these 10 guys in an alley. So, I thought I would help.

    It was 9/11 all over again.

    My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

    He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

    The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

    Someone asked me what the worst mistake you could make while being at work was, and I replied, "Being a doctor and mixing up the oral and rectal thermometers."

    How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

    Why did the Ice Cube complain about being so warm? Because he was dropped on the floor.

    After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park.

    Lord: "Has something happened while I was gone?"

    Gardener: "Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burying your dog."

    Lord: "My dog died?!"

    Gardener: "Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down."

    Lord: "My mansion?! How?!"

    Gardener: "Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains."

    Lord: "Why was she so distraught?"

    Gardener: "She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped."

    Lord: "My daughter! Don't you have any positive news for me?!"

    Gardener: "Oh right! Your cancer test results!"

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