Being jokes

I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.

Michael J. Fox is rumored to be starring in the new Tremors sequel.

I walk into school, and look up praying.

"Man, would be a shame if the buildings fell from an airplane."

Nothing happened. There is no God.

What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?

A surprise adoption!!

Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?

It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.

Is it far enough? We publish interviews with people who know a lot about real wars.

Peace: On one case, that's true, but violence is the slogan for it.

Socialism: Yes, morning and evening. So the Sorce Streftator's work must be stopped!

Maoist: Yes, I like Walken Engspert.

Anarchist: Claire, this is why we don't need democracy, I'm Das Zoe Melsen.

Capitalism: Yes, but the truth is that he is ignorant and cannot be considered as an old leader, but as an employee.

Governor: Yes, but a strong left should be as strong as Minister Janomen Vardan or Director Januso Gavrelic.

Patriots: Are there simple megalithic laws?

Some people like Stephen Hawking jokes, but he will never be a stand-up comedian.

What do black people and sports cars have in common?

Getting a noise complaint for being so loud.

When Stephen Hawking's teacher asked him, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

He said, "Six foot four."

There may be hope for Stephen Hawking yet.

His nose runs.

Why can't Stephen Hawking be a police officer?

Because he can't use a walkie-talkie.

So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"

So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.

What would Patrick be if he was a dumbass and an autistic person?

A dumbism star.

Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights, especially the right to remain silent, because all appliances should be silent.

Yo momma so slutty, she won't even be offended by this joke.

No matter how black the person is, that cum will still be the whitest thing you'll ever see.

If there's a lieutenant, shouldn't there be a righttenant too? 🤔

Miss Drake, can I go to the bathroom? I need to piss.

"Billy, we don't say piss. We say urinate. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Miss Drake."

"Very well. Now use the word urinate in a sentence."

"Miss Drake, urinate, but if you had any tits you'd be a ten."

Being gay is the most masculine thing that is possible because only men can be gay.

Some sperm arrive in the uterus and see that the egg is already fertilized. They complain that they lost the race and have nothing to do but die.

One speaks up and says he isn't angry, and the others ask why.

"He thought he was going to be alive," the sperm says. "This chick works at an abortion clinic."