Being jokes
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
Being unemployed is like watching our president fall over himself on the stairs.
There’s no hope.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"
The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
Roses are red, violets are blue, keep being you, let no one discourage you.
My middle name is Brian. I was so proud of being able to spell my full name till someone pointed out "Johnny Brain Walker" was incorrect.
Once, asked if I played Scrabble, being dyslexic, I asked if it was the standard version or the deluxe dyslexic version.
What is the difference between the National Organization For Carpet Munchers and the National Organization For Women?
The National Organization For Women has more experience in being a carpet muncher because they eat more pussy.
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
An advantage of being an orphan: the teacher can't give you any homework.
What do you call a Pegasus that is being sus?
A megasus!
Did you hear about the German girl being raped by 10 men? She shouted, "nein, nein," so one of them left.
Being a hooker shouldn't be illegal.
It's like having an Airbnb for your dick.
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
Caution: Looking at your hairline can cause you to be delirious and have hallucinations.
Chuck Norris came up with the name for Walker, Texas Ranger in sheer brilliance. You can arrange each letter for the name of the show to display the true name being "Wrangler Karate Sex!"
Warner Brothers have made a new Superman movie with Superman being black.
This new Superman's nickname is the "Man of Steel" but it's spelled s-t-e-a-l.
What are the odds of you being in a relationship that is going on in the next few months?