Behavior jokes
If you have an emo kid army, they'll kill themselves before they get to the field.
Punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
You're the type of person to wash your hands after a shower.
A person could build a playground with your mood swings.
How do you help a starving cannibal?
You give him a hand!
Barney
Why does a straight guy act gay? Because he wants to feel wanted and wants to be BFFs with the hottest girls.
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn't chicken!
Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.
The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"
Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."
Why are people surprised by Johnny Depp having $30,000 wine bills, domestic violence accusations, rampant substance abuse, poor hygiene, and the looks of a predator?
He grew up a Florida Man, after all.
Why did the kid with Down syndrome get expelled?
He was always tardy.
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Yo mama so stupid that she farted on yo face for no reason.
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.
Like if you meet someone emo.
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
What's the difference between an apple and emos?
They both hang on trees.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.