Behavior jokes

Video games don't make people violent, lag does.

Why are gay guys so rude?

Because they’re fucking assholes.

Me: *posts random joke about a duck*

That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."

That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."

Bro it’s a joke...

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.

What's fat and wanks over his mom?

Guy Sheppard.

When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."

I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"

Me, calls the police*

Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.

He won’t stand against the three of us!

Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?

I mean, the one I fucked died.

I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.

*I was actually up all night watching.*

Like if you meet someone emo.

What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.

I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?

Because I am a bully!

My favorite species is a cheetah because

Ima cheet-ah on the test.

My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.

An Oxymoron: A “Normal Autistic”.

A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”

The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."

How do you get a woman to give head? Force it down her throat and hold the back of her head. Make her gag for a little and then pull out. Do this over and over for 30 seconds or so. If she doesn't open up, choke her and force her mouth open.

Woman aren't human anyways... lol.