Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
If someone is bullying you for being fat, remember, you're the bigger person, a MUCH bigger person.
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other one, "Does this taste funny to you?"
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
Like if you meet someone emo.
I wrote a passage to stop about bullying, and it was easy. Do you know why?
Because I am a bully!
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.
My favorite species is a cheetah because
Ima cheet-ah on the test.
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
An Oxymoron: A “Normal Autistic”.
My last relationship ended because my ex-girlfriend accused me of being a rapist. I'm not upset. To be honest, I didn't like her anyway. She kept telling me I never listen, or something like that.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
Why are orphans rude at school?
What's the school going to do? Call their parents?
