Behavior jokes
Are you sure your father isn't a thief?
Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.
Why are gay guys so rude?
Because they’re fucking assholes.
Me: *posts random joke about a duck*
That one guy in the comment section for no reason: "Shut the f*uck up you dumb b*tch you are a piece of sh*t you..."
That other guy in the comment section: "That’s actually offensive to ducks."
Bro it’s a joke...
When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say, "Oh! That wasn't a dog."
What's fat and wanks over his mom?
Guy Sheppard.
Memes
Theres my friends.....and then theres me
A joker held the door open for me the other day. It was a nice gesture.
Video games don't make people violent, lag does.
I think my dad's gay because he goes out with his mates to get milk but never returns.
Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other one, "Does this taste funny to you?"
The first thing the emo did at the party is to pin the gun to their head.
My uncle is an alchemist.
He can turn 3 bottles of beer into 4 hours of abuse.
Bullying orphans is like bullying the homeless kid; both cry when you make fun of their parents.
What do you call a dumb and mean crocodile?
A crookodile.
Mom told me drugs are my enemies.
Jesus said to like your enemies.
Yay, I can like drugs then!
I asked my daddy what sex was. He said, "Wanna cum and try it?"
Me, calls the police*
Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!
Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.
Me: Why, so you can then stop me?
Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!
Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!
Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!
Little Johnny was getting beaten up by two kids, so I came and helped.
He won’t stand against the three of us!
Do you know pigeons die when they have sex?
I mean, the one I fucked died.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
What do a friend and a mouse have in common? They will both be angry if you throw bricks at them.