Behavior jokes
Dogs say woof.
Cows say moo.
Idiots say, "The site will be less dead when school starts again!"
Yo mama so clumsy, she gave birth to you.
Why did the chicken not cross the road?
Because it saw your face!
Why does Joe Biden call women muffins?
'Cause muffins backwards is sniffum.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"
Why'd Biden get fired from the supermarket?
He kept telling little kids they smell like freshly baked bread.
What falls quicker off a tree? The leaf or the emo?
The leaf, because the emo is stopped by the rope.
"Sigma" - By every boy in my class.
Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.
Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.
Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.
Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.
Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.
My wife accused me of being immature, so I kicked her out of my "boys fort."
What's the difference between a UKIP voter and a shopping trolley?
Some shopping trolleys have minds of their own.
Did you hear about the bossy man at the bar? He ordered everyone around.
What's the difference between crazy people and regular people?
We don't live in their heads.
Did you hear about the guy that posts all of the "Hairline Jokes"?
Answer: Yeah, he's a COMPLETE IDIOT!
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us.
It’s been a few weeks, and it's clear that you do not have that sense.
How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.
What did the cannibal say when his friend fell on the floor?
"5 second rule!"