Wanna know why people laugh at you? Because your life is a joke.
What do 2 emo kids say to each other?
"I like ya cut, G."
*Slaps wrist*
You’re the type of person who would pee before a shower.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
For absolutely no reason.
How do you get an emo out of the tree?
You cut the rope.
What's gayer than a gangbang in a man sex ring?
Not slapping the ass at Hooters.
Science experts say when you get mad, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
A man walks into a bar. The man says, "Why the human face?" It's not funny at all.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
Kids are cute, not even joking. Wanking is easy around them.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
This page is shocking.
What's wrong with you people?
Why did the guy like retarded jokes? Because he was a retard himself.
Anal sex is for A**holes.
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
A Canadian, an American, and a Mexican were tasked by a billionaire with teaching his stubborn pet parrot how to speak within 2 weeks.
They were given everything they needed to succeed, and a large sum of money was offered to the one who made the parrot talk first.
The Canadian played documentaries for the parrot through the whole duration. He spent all his time citing the alphabet and reading stories for the parrot.
The American showered him with the finest food, brought him all the females that he can mate with, and made sure to spoil the parrot as much as he can.
The Mexican locked the parrot in a dark room, barely gave him any food or water, and beat the shit out of him every single day.
When the time was up, the billionaire returned to find the parrot still unable to speak, so he asked the 3 trainers about their progress.
The Canadian goes: "I have tried everything. I spent all my time and energy teaching him the alphabet and reading books to him! Nothing worked."
The American agrees: "I have spoiled him beyond belief, gave him all the luxury he can possibly get, and yet he won't speak!"
The Mexican confirms: "I have showered him with love and luxury as well, tried to teach him words day and night, spent all my time and energy spoiling him with everything I had!"
The parrot looks at the Mexican with disbelief and yells out: "You lying motherfucker!"
The boy was sexually frustrated that he couldn’t have sex with girls, so he fingered his female cat.
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.
What did the cannibal say to the other?
"Can I practise on you?"
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
