Battle jokes
I didn't trip and fall... I attacked the floor, and I believe I am winning :3
I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.
*World War 2 going on and then stops.*
Me: "I guess you would say it was a gory-ious battle."
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, "I'm hit! I think I've lost an electron!"
"Are you sure?" asks the other.
"I'm positive!"
Jesus saved me from eternal fate, but I didn't want to get saved. I was about to fight Satan on Final Destination before facing and kicking God's ass.
Who will win the war: like for Russia, dislike for Ukraine?
What do you call a food fight that's been going on for years?
A war of nutrition.
Fortnite Battle Pass.
What made people mad?
Planes in Fortnite Battle Royale!
Chuck Norris didn't join the army, the army joined Chuck Norris.
What do bananas wear into battle? Banana-rama!
Q: What does Pakistan love to do with India when they go to war?
A: Surrender their 93,000 soldiers.
What should you use to battle a T-Rex?
A dino-sword.
Once upon a time, there were three kingdoms, all bordering on the same lake. For centuries, these kingdoms had fought over an island in the middle of that lake. One day, they decided to have it out, once and for all.
The first kingdom was quite rich and sent an army of 25 knights, each with three squires. The night before the battle, the knights jousted and cavorted as their squires polished armor, cooked food, and sharpened weapons. The second kingdom was not so wealthy and sent only 10 knights, each with two squires. The night before the battle, the knights cavorted and sharpened their weapons as the squires polished armor and prepared dinner. The third kingdom was very poor and only sent one elderly knight with his sole squire. The night before the battle, the knight sharpened his weapon, while the squire, using a looped rope, slung a pot high over the fire to cook while he prepared the knight’s armor.
The next day, the battle began. All the knights of the first two kingdoms had cavorted a bit too much (one should never cavort while sharpening weapons and jousting) and could not fight. The squire of the third kingdom could not rouse the elderly knight in time for combat. So, in the absence of the knights, the squires fought.
The battle raged well into the late hours, but when the dust finally settled, a solitary figure limped from the carnage. The lone squire from the third kingdom dragged himself away, beaten, bloodied, but victorious.
And it just goes to prove, the squire of the high pot and noose is equal to the sum of the squires of the other two sides.
What did the Pokémon say after having sex?
"My ball was sore!"
Me: "My grandpa killed 100 nazis."
My friend: "Well, my grandpa killed Hitler."
"Remember, switching to your pistol is always faster than reloading."
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Imagine losing your child in WW2 and your son fucking respawns, so you tell him off for not getting enough kills.
Tonight I'm making a fort. I'm calling it Fortnite.
What do you call a knight that has one arm? A first battle night.
What do you call a knight that lost both arms? A two battle useless knight.