Baby jokes
Q: What is a baby's favorite reptile?
A: A rattlesnake.
Babies can spread a nasty smell, especially when you haven't fed them for a month.
Q: How many aborted babies does it take to paint a house?
A: Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's red and screams when you shake it?
A skinned baby in a bag of salt.
"I think my baby is so similar to me!"
"True, but the most important thing is that he is healthy!"
If my firnd had a baby like this id call him ✨ "retard" ✨
Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!
I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. What's the best way to get them out? A blender.
What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas? AIDS.
What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?
Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.
Ah, son of a bitch, I got the truth stuck on my shoe?!?!
The truth: Breast feeding is like having long sex with your baby. God dammit, I hate the truth!
What is an unborn baby's Olympic sport?
Dodge the coat hanger!
I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
You are so ugly when you gave birth to your baby, you gave it carpet burn.
If a gay white male with blond hair is a prostitute, you will get $175.00 back for a blowjob if you give him $20.00. If you give a can of sauerkraut to a gay white male that is a prostitute with blonde hair and who is also Polish, you will get the money back that he paid for the can of sauerkraut if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. And if you wanted a blowjob from a gay white male that is a prostitute that is Canadian and Polish with blond hair, you will get the money back he paid for the bottle of maple syrup at the grocery store if you wanted him to give you a blowjob. But if you wanted to fuck him up the ass, he will give you the money back that he paid for the can of Crisco and he will also give you the money back that he paid for the box of condoms and he will give you the change back that he paid for the box of tampons that he paid for his baby sister or you could get a free anonymous blowjob at an adult book store.
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Q: How do you deliver an autistic baby?
A: A clothes hanger.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.