Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.
In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.
When you were born, your mom said you were out of bounds, so you went flying out of the hospital.
Why can't women just shut the fuck up! I hate women. They need to know their place and stay in the kitchen and be baby makers...
What has 4 legs, then 3 legs, then 2 legs, then 1 leg, then no legs?
A baby you cut one off each time.
What is worse than a dead baby in a trash can?
100 dead babies in a trash can.
What is worse than that?
There's a live one at the bottom.
What is worse than that?
It eats its way out.
What is worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
What's brown and in a baby's diaper?
Michael Jackson's hand.
"Abortion jokes are like the babies; they never get old."
Little Johnny's neighbor just had a baby. He got invited to dinner with his neighbor. Little Johnny's dad said if he mentioned "ears" he will get a spank.
So Johnny looked in the bassinet. They were talking about the new baby. Johnny's mum said, "What beautiful eyes."
"That is great," said little Johnny, "because he will be stuffed if he needed glasses."
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
What's the difference between a dump truck of dead babies and a Ferrari?
I don't own a Ferrari.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How do you put a baby alien to sleep?
You rocket. 🚀🚀🚀
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?
Put the diapers back on.
While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
What's meaner than taking candy from a baby?
Throwing the baby off a cliff.
I have two things I wanna say:
1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.
2. wtf
