Baby Jokes

How do you fit a baby in a glass?

A blender

How do you get it out?

Explosives!

How is abortion different from rape? Babies never consent to it.

Abortion is a really touchy subject for me, on one hand there's dead babies! but on the other hand women get a choice

Welcome to arbys, where your babies become our gravy!

The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.

What is more fun than throwing a baby off a cliff?

Catching it with a pitchfork

A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and ask him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.'' “I still don't get it” responded the Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night” said Little Jonny went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, ''OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!''

my opinion on abortion is very divided like, on the one hand I like the idea of killing babies but I'm not really into this thing about women being able to make choices

I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.

Did you hear about the gays that had a baby? It was a little shit

All normal sized babies a delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

Q:Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.

Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.

Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.

Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.

Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.

your mamma so ugly when the baby came out of her the baby didn't cry the baby said what the hell is this shit and walked out of the hospital.

I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...

how do chinese people name thier baby , they throw pots down the stairs bing bong ching chong

So there was 3 baby chickens and 2 mothers the first baby said "why am I named calf?" and the mother said "I f###ed a cow" then the second baby came up to it's mother and it said " why am I named b##ch? " and it's mom said "I f###ed a wolf and the final baby came to its mother and said "why am I named orphan?" And because it's mother wasn't there to see it this is what I have to say "because you are one you ducking hitch!!"

I watched the series of unfortanet events 4 times all the shows 4 times, : me -crying - I am trying to finish the rest then my brother comes in and says it is PG, ( parent guidens) after that.... My brother called me a bAby then he pushed me off my bed.😭

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when a ugly stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her "oh baby you so hot let's fuck" she just yells "get the fuck away you creep" he just laughs and says alright i wait down there.