Baby jokes
What’s the difference between a baby and a beet?
Beets stain your teeth.
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
What's even funnier than throwing a baby off a building?
Catching it with a pitchfork.
What's worse than 10 babies in a truck?
One baby in 10 trucks.
What's the difference between my basement and my garage?
One has a pile of babies' bodies; the other has their heads.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?
Several hundred calories.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Me: I'm sorry, Aaron.
Aaron: Why?
Me: Your parents couldn't be bothered to look past page one in the big book of baby names.
What does Kylie Jenner feed her baby? Plastic MILK! LOL
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Have you ever seen a baby unicorn? No! Because unicorns are gay rainbows in equine form.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby.
Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
I don't want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"