Baby jokes

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.

What color would the confetti be at a baby shower in 2025?

Orange because they're having a they/them baby.

Q. What do you call a baby born six months early?

A. A miscarriage.

How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.

What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.

I got a pen for my baby sister. Best trade I made so far.

Baby, here's my anus.

Baby, too, where's my anus?

I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."

"But why?" I replied.

"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.

"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.

I'm alive, baby!

Why do you put a baby in a blender feet first?

So you can see the look on its face as you climax.

I know a baby carrot when I see one.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.

What cries, is red, and is a pokey boi?

The baby you just feed nails to.

Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.

Yo mama so fat, cow!

There is only one thing I have to give my enemies.

A bucket full of dead baby heads and semen so they can replenish their spawn.

What do you do after you eat the softest pussy in the world?

Put the diapers back on.

I have eaten 6 babies, 9 adolescent children, and 2 infants in the past week ;p

Butthole.