Baby jokes
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday?
Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
What's yellow and blue and found at the bottom of a pool? A baby with slashed floaties.
What did the mom say to the baby?
So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"
And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."
Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"
And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."
And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"
What do you call a baby in the crib?
Boys and girls watch Monsters, Inc.
Some babies may be delivered via stork, but some bigger babies are gonna need a crane.
I will always remember my baby sister's last words: "What is the fire for?"
Person: You suck!
Me: Tell that to your mom, and she’ll say the same thing, honey. 😎
Travis has baby hands.
How do you make a baby astronaut sleep?
You rock-it!
Your mama so ugly, when the baby came out of her, the baby didn't cry. The baby said, "What the hell is this shit?" and walked out of the hospital.
What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
Oh baby, there's about to be 7 planets because I'm gonna destroy Uranus.