Baby jokes
What is the difference between eating a baby and a doughnut?
Babies are healthier.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
How do you quiet a baby down?
Make baby back ribs for dinner.
Why did the failed abortion climb up the woman’s leg?
It was homesick.
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What does the Peanut Butter Baby say?
"Ah!"
What's the difference between a chocolate cake and a dead baby?
About 5000 calories.
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
What did the substrate say to the active site?
"C'mon baby, we fit together, open my door lock to f**kin' key."
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.
How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby it's a "choice"? But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children it's called "murder."
"Stupid ass baby."
Me: I’m going to get burrito 🌯
Friend: You can have my burrito baby.
Gay.
Friend: *begins to moan*
Me: Finna hang up.
What do you call a baby in the shower? A baby in the shower.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope? Stopping it with a shovel.
What did the 1.8 nanosecond old baby get for his birthday? Nailed to a puppy falling on a buzz saw being crushed in a hydraulic press while being set on fire.
"Um, honey, I'm glad you're done, but um, WHO KICKED OUR BABY'S ASS?! I'M PRETTY SURE FACES DON'T BEND THAT WAY!!"