Baby

Baby jokes

I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

What is the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on one.

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it's solved then there's a little Asian in there.

My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."

What did the deaf, blind, mute, and paralyzed baby get for Christmas?

AIDS.

Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"

Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.

What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?

The cat is still alive.

What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?

Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.

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  • I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...

    What's the difference between a dead baby and a slice of pizza?

    A dead baby can't feed a family.