Baby

Baby Jokes

I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.

What is the difference between a baby and a canoe?

I would never put a canoe in my garage.

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.

Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

Baby: Stroll?

Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!

Baby: *happily screams*

Stroller: *front wheels break off*

Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!

Baby: Oka- CRASH!

How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car? Open a pizza shop πŸ•

Women say their baby daddies are trash like... woman, didn't he impregnate you and didn't he win your heart? I mean, he's not trash, you are!