Baby jokes
What do you call one baby in ten trashcans?
Chopped Junior!
Q. What is the most endangered creature in India?
A. The baby girl.
How can you tell that a woman cannot fit through a vent because she got pregnant from a baby elephant? Ain't no telling who's in better shape, the elephant or the woman. I guess it's probably Weight Watchers.
Do you put a baby in the microwave covered or uncovered?
Covered, it can take weeks to clean up the explosion.
What’s the difference between a hundred decapitated babies and a Ferrari? I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
My sister said I'm stupid and I'm a baby, and I said, "Oh, I didn't know we were talking about you."
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.
The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.
After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."
I told my dad that I’m gay. He replied, “No, you're retarded.” Then he went off to kiss a baby.
What's the difference between a baby and a brick?
A brick doesn't cry when you throw it on a wall.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
Mom: It's time for sleep.
Baby: Is that what you think, huh?
Mom: *gives baby pacifier*
Baby: Nice try, hobo.
Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.
*few hours later*
Baby: *still awake*
Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!
Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.
Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”
Repost
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
If your wife dies of childbirth, can you press charges on the baby?
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
What does a baby computer call its father? Data.