Automotive jokes
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
What’s the difference between 1000 used tires and 1000 used condoms?
One's a good year and one's a great year.
Q: What does a special ed student do when he wants to buy his first car?
A: Makes a Down payment.
What's the difference between a sports car and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a sports car in my garage.
What do pedophiles do when they wake up?
Turn on the child safety lock on the car.
I had a dream I was a muffler last night...
I woke up EXHAUSTED! 😂😃
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What do you call a man who loves Adidas and Puma and drives a Volkswagen? Potential Nazi.
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
A guy crashed his Ford SUV. He couldn't escape.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
I see what you did there.
My friend dreamed of being a porno star.
He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.
The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.