Automotive jokes
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
New Teslas don't come with a new car smell; they come with an Elon Musk.
Seat belts are like the condom for cars.
What's the difference between Stephen and a car? A car loses oil, Stephen loses the ability to walk.
Did you hear that Alicia wrecked her Lexus?
It's really a shame. She had to give her dad 3 months worth of blowjobs before he'd pay for it.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Every male is expected to pass their driver's test. Paul Walker clearly failed his.
What happens when a black person gets in a car? The check oil light turns on.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 200 children in my basement? One screams; the children don't.
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
A guy bought an AMG and crashed it. Now he knows how the Mercedes bends.
What is the difference between women and cars?
At least one of them retained their value after getting wrecked.
What’s the difference between a Black person and snow tires?
Snow tires still work after you take the chains off.
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
Race car backwards is race car.
Race car sideways is how Paul Walker died.
Where is the worst place to lock your keys in your car?
The anti-abortion clinic because you have to go back in and ask for a coat hanger.
What’s the difference between a tire and three-hundred-sixty-five used condoms?
One’s a good year; the other’s a great year!
What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?
Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.
Roads be so rough in Oklahoma, I saw a high lifted truck get ended riding lower than a Hot Wheels car.