Ate jokes
Why was the cookie angry? Because someone ate the chips!
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence.
Jane ate her friend’s sandwich.
Jane ate her friend’s colon.
Why did Kristen Stewart fart on the set of Charlie's Angels? Because she ate too much damn chili for breakfast I made for her. I just forgot to put my foot in it.
I told my doctor I ate a bunch of bananas. It wasn’t a very a-peeling experience.
Why don't Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
What did Osama give the Windows on the World restaurant in the WTC as a rating when he ate it? A 9/11!
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
I ate all of your mommy's orphans.
A random drunk person ate poop, but he found out it was liquid...
The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.
Question: Why was "6" scared?
Answer: Because "7" ate "9"!
Your mom is so fat, she looks like she ate the marshmallow from Ghostbusters.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ate 9.
But then why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9 and 11.
Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?
Sure, man. I. H. O. P.
Wait, you ate my pee!!!
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
Yo mama is so fat, she couldn't even fit through the rabbit hole at first because she ate like a damn pig last night when we had dinner.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.
I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.