Ate Jokes

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It's true.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

My friend had an allergic reaction after he ate a peanut.

We got his EpiPen to help him when Penaldo appeared because he heard the word "PEN". He tried stealing the pen, but I said, "No pens for you," and "Brentford". He cried and ran away. Shame on you, Penaldo the fraud!

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

I'm actually against abortion.

Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!

Yo mama so fat she ate Saturn and mistook it for bubble gum.

The image shows the text 'Live a healthy lifestyle. Choose drinks with minimal amounts of sugar...', followed by a line of several bottles of drinks, from left to right: Coca Cola, Red Bull, Ribena, Fanta, Sprite, Oasis and a bottle of Jack Daniel's. Under each bottle of soda is a small pile of white sugar cubes, and the pile under Jack Daniel's is zero. The bottles of soda have the labels 'Rib', 'SISP' on them. The Jack Daniel's bottle has the label 'JACK DANIEL'S No. 7 Tennessee WHISKEY' on it. There is also the text 'NEXT LEVEL BARTENDING WE SET THE BAR HIGH' in the lower left part of the image.

Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

Why are orphans so skinny?

They never eat anything that is family size.

A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.

You couldn't spit out a good sentence, even if you ate a bowl of alphabet soup.

You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?

It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.

Did you hear they think Michael Jackson died from food poisoning? He ate 12-year-old nuts and a 13-year-old wiener.

The real dead hooker joke is on all of us from the Fraser Valley in BC. You know damn well each and everyone of us ate that Pickton hooker pork. Considering it stretching from the 80's-2000's, pretty sure he got 4 generations of Valley folk with that Pickton pork.