Today I ate out my girlfriend... Jeffrey Dahmer style.
Last time Kenny ate a vegetable, he got banned from his mom's nursing home.
One morning, Peppy and George came downstairs for breakfast, but they got a plate of juicy bacon. Their dad had recently gone missing, so they ate it quite sadly.
The next morning, they went to school and asked their teacher, "What is bacon made out of?" The teacher replied, "Pigs, why?" Peppa and George looked horrified.
Kate ate food coloring last night. She said she was dying inside.
Tell someone that you're gonna say “I 1 poopoo” and it will go in order of numbers, so they say, “I 2 poopoo” & so on:
You) I 1 poopoo
(Them) I 2 poopoo
(You) I 3 poopoo
(Them) I 4 poopoo
(You) I 5 poopoo
(Them) I 6 poopoo
(You) I 7 poopoo
(Them) I 8 poopoo
And be like, “You ate poopoo??! EWW!!”
One day my dog died because we couldn't find him. Then we got a cat on the same day. Then my cat went missing, and when I was crying, we heard our Asian neighbor was having a party. Then we went over and I saw my dog and cat on the grill, and they ate them in front of me, saying "yum yum doggy in my tummy and cat in my tummy as well."
Why can’t Asian people play baseball?
Why?
'Cause they ate the bat!
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
A man ate a glue stick. It tasted bad. He died. Hahahahah!
I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.
Wife: "You don't even have friends!"
A fly is 6 inches above water, and a fish sees it and it leaps out and gets the fly. Then a bear grabs the fish and eats it. Then a hunter shot the bear, and a mouse saw some crackers and then leaped on the cracker and ate it. Then a cat runs down to get the mouse, trips, and falls into the water, and that's the story of how six inches can get a pussy wet.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
Did you eat Chef Boyardee's food?
No, why?
Boy are deez nuts so big.
Oh, ate the cheese? Urmom.
My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.
We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
