I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
Did you know cannibals ate KFC?
Kentucky Fried Children.
You know how 7 ate 9? Why was 10 scared? It's because he was in the middle of 9/11. 🤣
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!
I ate the Emo Emo no Mi from One Piece. It gave me the powers of black hair, depression, and suicidal thoughts.
Yo mama so stupid that, when she heard about cookies on the internet, she ate her computer.
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
Fatty told Skinny, "Do you have any food? My stomach is empty and I haven't eaten."
Skinny replied to Fatty, "Well, doesn't seem like you need food, you ate the whole universe instead!"
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball? Because they already ate the bat!
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
A "glad-he-ate-her".
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
I'm actually against abortion.
Just go to the car wash and tell 'em you ate too much red pasta!
Did you hear that Michael Jackson once got food poisoning?
He ate 12-year-old nuts.
