Asked jokes

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

Sailors are coming onto the boardwalk and are met by Colonel Sanders. He asks them, "What is your occupation?" They respond, "We are seamen." So he says, "Well, you better wash up 'cause I'm finger lickin' good!"

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

What did the booty say when it was asked to help?

"I've got your backside covered!"

A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Are there any girls here?”

The bartender says, “No, only women.”

The man then leaves.

A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”

The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”

I asked God why nobody likes me. He showed a reflection of myself.

Can an orphan child be arrested for vandalism, or will the officers ask for their parents to talk to?

The 🦅 asked the female eagle, "What did you eat?"

"I ate New York hot dogs."

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"

So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

An Asian walked up to another Asian that was crying.

He asked, "Is somting wong?"

The other guy says, "I was i a noh paking zon."

I went to the store and I saw no oranges, and I went to ask the cashier:

"Cashier: Which one?"

One thing you can ask Mario:

"Can you jump up and down for me?"

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."