Asked jokes

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"

So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.

They asked JFK Jr. if he wanted to shower before his flight. He said, "No, I'll just wash up on shore!"

I asked my nan if she wouldn't mind shitting in a bucket when we went camping. She replied, "Why the fuck would I want to sit in a bucket?" So eventually she did, and I took the best shit I have ever had!

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

I asked my mother about her mom.

She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.

An Asian walked up to another Asian that was crying.

He asked, "Is somting wong?"

The other guy says, "I was i a noh paking zon."

I went to the store and I saw no oranges, and I went to ask the cashier:

"Cashier: Which one?"

One thing you can ask Mario:

"Can you jump up and down for me?"

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach.

She asked me "Why the hell did you do that?!?!?" "I wanted to let you know I'm pro abortion."

I asked my dad what his previous job was. He said: "I was a post until I met your mother."

I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.

How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.

I told my therapist you are too fat and ugly to date grown men. Then she asked me, "You wanna give a judgemental reaction about that?" I said, "Okay, you smell rat pee on somebody's cock."

Five people went to a store and asked for a menu. The waitress said, "I will be right back."

I met this kid and he was being bullied by 9 people. I Asked 1 whats going on. They all said another one to bully they all tried hitting me and then my mates which was like 15 of them came in and it was like war all over again.

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

A gingerbread man walks into the doctor’s office with a broken arm. He asks the doctor, “Doc, what should I do? My arm is broken!”

The doctor then looks at him and says, “Have you tried icing?”