Asked jokes

These girls were bullying a kid. I asked if they were raping him. They stopped.

You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.

A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).

The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL

THE END

A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.

The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."

The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."

The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."

The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."

The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."

The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."

The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."

Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.

One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.

Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.

Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"

My mum found a chest that was wet, and it had a child in it. She asked me what it was for. I said I put kids in it and chuck it in a river until they are dead.

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.

As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

When I was walking home, a couple of married guys were saying, "Your mom is good at her job," but I realized my mom doesn't work.

So I ask my mom, "Why are these guys saying you're good at your job? You don't work." My mom said, "Yeah, I got a new job." So I said, "What do you do?" My mom said, "Job hand, no, I mean it's called a hand job."

There are two kids sitting in a classroom: Lily and John. Lily sleeps in class every day.

The teacher asks Lily who made heaven and earth. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

The teacher says, "That's right."

The teacher says the next day she asks the same question. John pokes her with a pencil. She shouts, "Jesus Christ Almighty!"

"That's right," the teacher says.

The next day she asks Lily what did Eve say to Adam after their 100th. John pokes her again. "If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'mma break it in half!" she shouts.

So, this kid told me what high school he was going to and asked me if I thought he would make it in.

I said, "No, they don't have double doors."

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."

Yo mama so ugly, she had to ask Satan to help her give birth!

When it is quiet when you're having sex and you ask your partner to "Do the roar!"

We were discussing cows in a lesson. I asked my teacher why she was one.

I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.

My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

An orphan walks on a path asking for his mum. Soon he remembers he doesn't have a mum.

(Also, I had sex with ur mum. She was screaming "daddy~")