Asked jokes

I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!

I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?

I asked my phone why I couldn't get a date.

It showed a picture of myself.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Owl.

Owl who?

Who? Are you meant to ask "who?"

My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

"Why can’t you be comfortable with my own body?"

"I think you should ask yourself that."

A woman asked Stephen Hawking to dance, and he replied, "I'm not much good, I have two left feet."

"Then how about Karaoke?"

To which he replied, "I have two left throats."

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you!"

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

One day, the milkman came to drop off milk.

The boy asked the milkman, "Do you know where my dad is?"

The milkman replies, "I am your dad," then runs off like Batman!

My little brother is scared of ghosts so I won't let him watch Bayern today.

Okay, I may be strict, but I won't let Tapindowski give my son a heart attack. His shocking ghosting performance today is a danger to my family and I'll ask UEFA to investigate the matter.

A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.

The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."

"You should tell your parents," I replied back.

The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.

I asked this kid for a high five, but he could not reach my hand.

I asked a kid where their parents were...

Lol

You are so ugly, when you were born, your mother asked for a receipt.

Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.

Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

I saw an orphan and asked them if they had parent permission.