I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"
Asked Jokes
Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.
So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!
Just ask your dad.
My friend is an emo. I asked why he wears black. He said, "Black like my soul." I just walked away.
I asked a child where their parents were. They started to cry. I laughed and walked out of an orphanage.
What did the North Tower ask the South Tower?
Hello guys. It's me, Donald fuckin' Trump. Ask me anything in the comments, guys.
Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
I asked my teacher if I needed to be in the special ED class, but she said I don’t eat enough vegetables.
I went up to an orphan and asked where their parents were--they stared.
"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."
I feel weird to ask this, but can anyone guess my real name?
#Imbored
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
What's the difference between a terrorist base and an elementary school?
— Don't ask me. How should I know? I'm just the drone pilot.
Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.
So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
I asked my friend, "Hey, did you get a haircut?" and she said, "No." Then I'm like, "Really? Then why are you bald today?"
A man walks into an AA meeting and asks for a roadmap.
I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.
