Asked jokes

I asked my dad to come to my Father’s Day breakfast.

The orphanage worker just said, “Don’t be silly!”

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.

I said, "Maybe."

Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?

When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.

I asked the homeless woman if I could take her home. She said yes, so I took it.

I asked the librarian if they had any books on anxiety.

She replied with, "Won't you worry a lot about returning it late?"

What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!

I asked the emo girl if she gets jealous when her phone dies.

A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.

The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

Why is it that a physically disabled gay white male will refuse to ask his boss that is an abled bodied gay white male for an increase in his paycheck?

Since he has a very big white dick in his mouth, that could be the reason why.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.

I walked up to 2 people kissing and stared.

After a little while, they asked me if I minded. I said no, I don’t mind.

Someone asked me if I was a good sleeper. I told them I'm so good that I can do it with my eyes closed.

Why doesn't George Washington carry his ID?

Because he knows he can always ask for a quarter.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:

"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 😅😀"