I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
Asked Jokes
You went to the bed store asking for a water bed. They put a pillow and sheets on the ocean.
I went to school on a Saturday. My teacher asked why I am here, so I replied that my brother told me to go to hell.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
When you call the Middle Eastern suicide hotline, they ask you if you can fly a plane.
A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where he shall go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the orphan, “Where is homeroom?” The secretary then asked which homeroom number he was assigned, and he said "1." The orphan then started to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."
Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? Idaho, Alaska?
What it actually means: Did Delaware wear a New Jersey? I don’t know. I’ll ask her.
P.S. My dad is a history teacher and he told me to put this in here.
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
My teacher asked us what sex is. My friend, Bobby, got up and said in a loud, clear voice, "Sex is a temptation caused by a sensation, where a boy puts his location into a woman's destination to increase the population of the next generation. Do you understand my explanation, or do you need a demonstration?" The teacher shot him 23 times before she fainted.
Someone asked me to go to hell, so I drove to my local middle school.
The daughter walks up to her father and asks him, "Dad, can I ask you something?"
The father says, "Of course, what's your question?"
The daughter replies and asks, "How do you feel about abortion?"
The father says, "Why don't you ask your sister?"
The daughter replies, "I don't have a sis-"
Kid 1: I like you! Do you like me?
Kid 2: No. You never asked if I love you!
Kid 1: Aw, do you love me?
Kid 2: No!
Your mum is so cute that I asked for her number and she said yes, and now we're dating.
Orphan: Asks you random joke. What is the difference between my boomerang and my parents?
Me: The boomerang came back.
What does a nun say when you ask too many questions?
"Nunya business!"
I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.
