Arms jokes
Why couldn't the farmer tend to the crops?
Because he's got no arms.
Person 1: “You assume I’m gay because I have rainbow hair, I’m wearing a rainbow shirt, and I have a rainbow pride flag behind me?”
Person 2: “You assume I’m disabled because I have deformed arms and limbs, no legs, and I ride around in a wheelchair?”
"Hi, Mrs. Jackson, can Matt come out and play?"
"Oh, Johnny, you know Matt doesn't have any arms or legs."
"I know, we just wanted to use him as third base."
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
Boys: “Hey, can Billy come out and play baseball?”
Mom: “That’s not funny, you know Billy doesn’t have any arms and legs.”
Boys: “I know, we need a third base.”
When I'm cutting my grass, want to know what it reminds me of? My arms and legs.
What do you say to a feminist with no arms and no legs?
"Nice tits, bitch."
What did one snow ❄️ man say to itself? My arm is broken.
Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.
What can’t a person with no arms do: if you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
What do you call a blind kid with an eye patch and no arms?
Names.
Why couldn't the girl with no arms hug her parents?
Because she had none of the above.
Your friend lost his left arm, and after getting out of the hospital, you ask him if he’s OK. He says, "Yeah, I’m all RIGHT."
I asked my now ex-boyfriend why he’s scared of my cat. He said it was because of the scratches on my arm.
I told him that my cat doesn’t scratch, but he didn’t believe me. He realised what I meant when he noticed I kept hiding my wrist from everyone else.
(Kinda based on the fact that my ex is indeed scared of cats, and he has been scared of my cat, so yeah 😂)
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She had no arms, remember.
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
Waitress: You wanna box for your leftovers?
Me: No, but I'll arm wrestle you for the bill.
What's got 9 arms and sucks?
Def Leppard.