Arms jokes
What do you call a person with no arms and legs?
You can call him whatever you want; he's not coming.
People are fighting in a war, and a man gets hit four times in the arm and says, "'Tis but a scratch!"
And the other guy, looking at him in shock, says, "A scratch? Your arm is off your body!"
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.
He told me to stop going to those places.
I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.
Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.
Bob has no arms.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"It's not Bob."
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
Friend: You know how I like my women like my coffee... hot.
Me: What if you don't like coffee? :(
There was a kid and a historian in a museum about WW2 and were looking at Hitler in a car doing the Nazi salute. The kid said, “Why is he putting his arm in the air?” The historian said, “Indicators on cars didn’t exist back then so he’s probably saying take the Third Reich!”
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To eat Bob's arms.
Bob went to hospital and had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Bob.
Your arms are open. They stretch towards me, Reaching, grabbing, pulling me, Surrounding me, Drowning me in my helplessness. Time standing still, inside here. Looking through windows, time passing by. Let me go, will ya?
I am armed with an automatic 4-OXD 22. caliber machine gun. HANDS IN THE AIR!
Little Johnny has no arms. Knock, knock, who's there?
Not Johnny.
A kid decided to burn his house down.
His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."
A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?
B: Why?
A: Because she has no arms.
Knock, knock.
B: Who's there?
A: Not Sally.
Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?
B: I don't know, why?
A: Because Sally was driving the car.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
I got one of those.
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Why did Sally's pizza get cold? Because she has no arms.