Ares jokes
Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?
Because they are afraid of American airdrops.
Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together.
In the morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast.
As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet.
She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."
Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."
After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His Mom replies, "Ok, do tell me what you think?"
He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
What is an orphan's favorite movie? Hint, not Home Alone. It's actually Batman, 'cause they are 50% the same as him.
Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.
The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."
Are you George Floyd?
Cause you take my breath away! 😮💨
This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?
Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.
After a while, a student stands up.
Teacher: So you think you are stupid?
Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.
All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.
Heavier babies are delivered by crane.
Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?
How are apples and orphans different?
Apples get picked.
Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"
Depression: "Lie in bed."
Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.
This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."
When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?
Why are most dark jokes about orphans?
They can't complain to their parents.
I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.
Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.