Ares jokes

What do pretzels and a corrupt government have in common?

They are both twisted.

There are 206 bones in my body.

When I look at you, it becomes 207.

A woman is slightly drunk, watching a video, when she yells at the screen, "Don't go into that church you dumb bitch!"

Her husband asks, "What are you watching?"

"Our wedding video."

Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?

Because they ate all the bats.

Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.

Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.

Are you George Floyd?

Cause you take my breath away! 😮‍💨

The last words of a depressive person are: "Yay, Freedom."

Teacher: Stand up if you think you are stupid.

After a while, a student stands up.

Teacher: So you think you are stupid?

Student: No, I'm not stupid. I just felt bad because you were standing by yourself.

This song is sus, because I’m happy. Clap along if you feel like happiness is the root. What are you clapping?

Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.

All normal-sized babies are delivered by stork.

Heavier babies are delivered by crane.

When you get mad, just punch an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their mom?

Roses are red, violets are blue, my mom and dad died, next you'll be gone too.

How are apples and orphans different?

Apples get picked.

Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"

Depression: "Lie in bed."

Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?

This guy looked down the aisle and asked, "Hey, are those kids all yours?" And I replied: "No, I work for a condom company, and these kids are just all of my complaints."

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.