Ares jokes

Man, I am jealous of the victims of 9/11. They are the fastest readers, who went through 87 stories in 8 seconds.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

They already lost two towers.

The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.

The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.

🤣🤣🤣

Not even the FBI knows where an orphan's parents are.

Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?

You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.

How are babies and the elderly similar?

They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.

Who are the world's fastest readers?

9/11 victims; they went through 91 stories in 11 seconds.

If you're ever bored, hit an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

I have two things I wanna say:

1. When people swear, stop taking it so fucking literally. If someone calls you a bitch, they're not calling you a female dog. If they call you a cunt, they're not calling you a woman's private part, they are calling you either an idiot, scaredy cat/baby, or something along those lines, ffs.

2. wtf

What did the parents say to the orphan? "Where are your parents?"

Oh... wait.

Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.

I asked the orphan why he was crying. He didn't really say anything.

Then I asked where are your parents? He cried more. I love working at the orphanage.

Are you a train? Because I want you to run over me. :)

Why are short people so angry?? Cause they're closer to hell.

Why are handicap signs blue?

Because they're all Crips.

You know what you could use? An orphan as a punching bag.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

If babies stay in their mothers for 9 months, are they not 9 months old when they are born?

So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"

And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."

Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"

And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."

And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"

"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.

"Give me the good news first," the patient said.

"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."

"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"I've been trying to reach you for two days."

Me when people ask how old my girlfriends are:

"There's 2, there're 4, there're 6, there're 8."