Ares jokes

Ares memes

Hypocrite

    • A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.

    Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.

    Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?

    Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?

    Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.

    Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.

    Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.

    (5 seconds later)

    Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!

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    • Confessional

    • A Catholic gay male that is well-endowed goes to confession, and while he is inside the confessional booth, the Catholic priest is sucking his dick, and he says to the Catholic priest, "What are you doing, Father?"

    And the priest says, "It's called giving a blowjob."

    And the Catholic gay male says, "Why are you giving me a blowjob, Father, inside the confessional booth?"

    And the Catholic priest says, "If there was no glory hole in the confessional booth, my son, it would not be called a confessional booth in the first place."

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    • Skeleton

    • What did one skeleton say to another?

    ...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?

    Family

    • Why are Mexican families so big?

    They don’t know how to put a condom on.

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    • Copycat

    • There were ten cats in a boat, and one jumped out. How many were left?

    None, 'cause they are all copycats.

    Dark Humor

    • Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.

    Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

    You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.

    My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

    I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

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    • Sister

    • As an older brother, I always gave my little sister advice. I always said to do your best and never quit. So one day I went to her room. I see my sister giving married men blow jobs.

    I ask what are you doing? The married men said she is giving us blow jobs because our wives don't do it. My sister said you told me to do your best, and my best is to suck them dry. As a brother, I couldn't be more prouder.

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