Ares jokes

Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.

P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?

P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?

P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).

P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*

I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)

How are mountains able to see?

They peak!

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: started to laugh and said, "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."

Damn bro, are you Gold, Titanium, Sulfur, Titanium, and Carbon?

Cuz you be lookin AuTiSTiC.

What do emos and the Twin Towers have in common? There were two, but now there are none.

Why are Japanese always so skinny?

Cause last time there was a fat man, an entire city disappeared.

I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Not done yet.

Now they are.

What's similar between a pregnant 14 year old and the fetus inside of her? They are both thinking, "Oh shit, my mom's gonna kill me."

Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."

Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.

If a woman gets raped, just walk away, don't bother. Cheer on the rapist if you want.

They believe they are equal to men, right? So they are able to fight back, right? Then prove it! My EQUALITY!

Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

Why are cows such great dancers?

They have all the best moooves!

What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?

They already lost two towers.

Genders are like the Twin Towers.

There used to be 2 of them, but now it’s a sensitive subject.