Ares jokes
Why are half the orphans missing? Because I took them, of course! :]
Why are bees' hair always sticky?
Because they use a honeycomb...
If a woman’s version of marriage is "happy wife, happy life," but statistically men are more likely to kill themselves, so who should be making who happy?
Then a man’s is "happy husband, don’t get bludgeoned."
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
Kenya, if you keep smiling then you will become a positive bitchy!
Tenya, everyone hates you why I have no idea!
Kenya stop smiling and start dying!
Tenya, why are you so mean!
Kenya, stop acting like a mantrapp!
Tenya, stop being a bitch in a skirt!
Please leave a comment good or bad! cusswords whatever!
Why are "Redneck" murder cases the HARDEST to solve?
Answer: Because ALL the DNA "Matches", and there are NO "Dental Records".
I fed some chickens some eggs. They ate them. Nothing else to explain except they are cannibals.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Little Timmy said, "I had a body, eieio, now you are next!" as he shoots you.
Why are people mad at me? All I did was tell the truth and put the Bible in the fiction section of the library.
In a deep village in Germany, an old man asked his granddaughter, "What are you doing?"
His granddaughter replies, "Removing Polish with chemicals."
Grandpa said, "When I was young, I did the same."
How are baseball and an orphan different?
A baseball game you can do a home run.
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
People who are annoying. There are two of them.
1. Capet.
2. Akeld.
The winner is "Akeld," although Jordan Calerendiá comes in with a tie. Yah! Not really!
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
You are like my girlfriend: imaginary and non-existent.
Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.
Bully: (Speechless)
Funny things or weird things to say to someone.
Hey... have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone.
It's hard to find friends that [are] 91% funny, 100% nice, and 1000000% good-looking. Funny!
Weird names to call a girl: Sweetums.
Baby-Bugga-Boo.
Fuzzkins.
Lumpy.
Nilly.
Ninty Minty.
and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross that's why I am not getting a bf!