Ares jokes

Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.

There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.

Dark jokes are like clean water, not everyone gets it.

Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.

So, a blind guy is sitting on a park bench with his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly, his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guy's leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat.

A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man, "That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit." The blind man says, "Oh it’s not what you think, I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the ass."

What are three things you can't give a black guy?

A fat lip, a black eye, and a job.

Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!

Me: Hey, are your parents home?

Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!

You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.

If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?

What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?

They are both nowhere to be found.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

Apples are actually picked.

What's so special about bullets?

They do work after they are fired.

What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

A Sunday school teacher asked her children on the way to service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."

What do trans men and Pinocchio have in common?

Both are lying when they say, "I'm a real boy."

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

There are only 2 things I hate in this world:

1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.

Do you know why most men are impressive cooks?

Because with two eggs and a sausage, they can keep women full for 9 months.