Ares jokes
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears.
"I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing."
The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
There are people who are beautiful, and then there are people whom I won't rape.
Roses are red. Walls are made of plaster. Schoolchildren can move fast, But bullets can move faster.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
Me: Hey, are your parents home?
Orphan: (crying) Stop calling here!
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
If dust mites are found in dust, bedbugs are found in beds, where are cockroaches found in?
Roses are red, violets are blue, I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
What do an orphan's father and Nemo have in common?
They are both nowhere to be found.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
Apples are actually picked.
What's so special about bullets?
They do work after they are fired.
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.