Ares jokes
You know all these hairline jokes are good but are very rude, but your hairline is built like the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
Him: *slowly drives past elementary school while looking at kids*
Her: Why are you staring at those kids? *jokingly* Are you like a pedophile or something?
Him: ... At least you know why I love calling you "baby" now~
The twin towers are just like my mom and dad, they went to work and never came back.
Goats are like mushrooms.
If you shoot a cat, I'm scared of toasters.
Why do vampires drink blood?
Because they can't drink Bloody Marys because they are vampires.
How come pizza boxes are square when the pizza is a circle cut into triangles?
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very egg-citing, although, I was exaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then you’re hard-boiled. That’s all for today, yolks! So I said before several cats starting fighting, that sh*t was a catastrophe. These kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be kitten me.” Meanwhile, in the ocean, they just waved, see what I did there? You shore you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too deep for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had no body. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He boned her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Roses are red, the Jews hate goys,
Union of Creepy Janitors (UCJ) opposes school choice.
"We are trans. We are Gay. We are lesbian. We are Bi."
We Do Not Care.
What do inner city schools and databases have in common?
Their problems are usually caused by a race condition.
Who are the fastest readers on Earth?
The pilots flying the 9/11 planes. They went through 6 stories in 5 seconds.
We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class and I said, "Man, they are really bad at Jenga!"
Your mom is so fat, when she swam in the sea, Wales came up to her and said, "We are family, even now you’re fatter than me."
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Why are cats bad storytellers? Because they only have one tail.
Three scientists are doing an experiment. They are trying to find out what happens when you stick a cork in an elephant's ass.
In the lab, they each look at each other and decide that they should hire a monkey to do it. The monkey sticks the cork up the elephant's ass, and the scientists wait three weeks.
The monkey pulls out the cork, and all three scientists go back and discuss what they saw.
The first one, standing one mile away, says all he could see was a wave of brown, then it all went black. The second, standing two miles away, said the same. The third, who was standing three miles away, said all he could see was the other two get consumed by a massive cloud of brown.
The most corrupt CEOs are those of the pretzel companies.
They’re always so twisted!