Ares jokes

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

Why are Americans so good at shooting?

We have the best schools for it.

Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."

Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."

Voting is like doing a group project in school.

I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.

The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.

Roses are red, violets are bl-- oh yeah, I'm bad at jokes.

My son caught me masturbating. He asked me, "What are you doing?" and I said, "Don't worry, son, you'll be doing it soon." He asks, "Why is that?" and I said, "My arm's getting tired."

Why were the Twin Towers afraid of the New York Jets?

Because they are afraid of the jet.

Are you a school bus? Because I want to fill you with kids.

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

Why are Americans bad at chess? They lost their towers.

Why are white people so white?

Because they forgot to urine on lotion.

Are you Shane Dawson?

Because I can be your pussy.

“Who are the fastest readers in the world?”

“The 9/11 pilots, they did 30 stories in 7 seconds.”

What do you call two AI systems that are in love with each other? Member of chat LGBT.

An old man and a child are walking into the woods. Suddenly, they stop.

"Mister," the child says, "I'm scared, these woods are dark and creepy..."

The old man says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"

I saw a kid crying and I asked him where his parents are.

I love my job at the orphanage.

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them:

"Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.