Ares jokes
I tell short people to reach for the stars.
They are always a bit short of reach.
What is the similarity between an anti-joke and a clown? Neither are funny.
"Gay Furry Femboys are cool."
Enough of the sex jokes! I mean, come on, they are not even funny!
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What did a man say to his boy?
You are my son.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
A woman.
Cheer for fun on the telephone and singing, "We are family!" Even then, your dad, really, he's fat, just like your dad. And your mom's fat ass, b**** ass, looking like an Oompa Loompa self, looking like an ugly.
Are people too thick to realize the difference between a fruit, a vegetable, and a person?
Genders are like the Twin Towers because there used to be two, now it's just a sensitive subject.
"People are more honest when they are tired, so I made my nephew do push-ups 50 times when I realized he stole my cookies."
Why are cops worried about drunk drivers and not elderly drivers?
Why are Americans so good at shooting?
We have the best schools for it.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
Son to mother: "Mom, all the kids in the school are making fun of me because I am still a virgin."
Mother: "Well, start giving them bad grades, and they will stop."
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
I got written up on "Take Your Daughter To Work Day." Apparently, it only applies to daughters who are alive.
The best part about Asian jokes is that the only people that can be offended can't see the jokes.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.