Ares jokes

Orphan

    • If you're ever bored, just rape an orphan, what are they going to do, tell their parents!

    Hahaha come on people, they don't have parents, we can do what we like with them...

    Rape...hurt...and sell them!

    Competition

    • So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

    Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

    Frank: Yo

    Fred: Hi...

    Frank: U heard about de competition?

    Fred: Yeah...

    Frank: You wanna hang out?

    Fred: .......

    Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

    Fred: ...I(

    Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

    Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

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    • Ares memes

    Hotdog

    • One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.

    Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."

    My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."

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    • Cow

    • Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?

    Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

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    • Knife

    • Roses are red, Burnt bodies are black.

    You'd look great With a knife in your back.

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    • Dad

    • My dad died the other day, but I was able to hear his last words: "Son, are you still holding the ladder?"

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    • Tooth

    • (I want to apologize in advance. These are very dark jokes.)

    What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.

    I was going to tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

    Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? His wife is dead.

    Why does Helen Keller hate porcupines? They’re painful to look at.

    Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

    Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.

    I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes. The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

    My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

    Bomb

    • Are you happy to see me, or is that a bomb strapped to your chest and a detonator in your hand?

    Guy

    • So one time this really rich guy’s son’s birthday was coming up. So he asks his son what he wants. So the son says, "Can I have pink ping pong balls?" The father asks why, and his son stays silent.

    The dad decides to get it for him. The dad doesn’t see the son ever do anything with them. A year later the dad asked him what he wants. The son then says, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls?" The dad then responds with, "Son, why? I gave you some last year, and this whole year you did not play with them." The son, yet again, stays silent. The Dad was reluctant to do it but did it anyway.

    Now a few years later, the son is now 20, and his rich dad and him have not seen each other in a while. So the dad decides to celebrate his son's birthday. He asks his son once again what he wants, and his son says, "Can I have 10,000 pink ping pong balls?" His dad screams, "SON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THESE BALLS!!! I NEVER SEE YOU WITH THEM, AND YET YOU STILL WANT MORE. WHAT THE HELL!!!" The son, yet again, stays silent. The dad, though a little pissed, decides to buy as much of the pink ping pong balls that he sees and gives it to his son. The son is happy but does not do anything.

    Now after a while, the son is about 30, and he and the father are more distant than ever. The father gets a call from a hospital telling him that his son could die from a disease that only 2 people survived. So the father goes there and starts crying and grieving. Then he asks his son what he would like before he dies. The son then says, "Can you buy me all of the factories that produce pink ping pong balls?" His dad doesn’t question because he is too sad to and buys him the only factory that produces pink ping pong balls. Then the doctors put him in a wheelchair and follow the dad, and they take him to one of the pink ping pong ball factories, and the dad says, "Okay, son, I fulfilled what you wanted. But what have you done, and what do you plan to do with all of these pink ping pong balls?" The son, ignoring the question, says, "This is magnificent. My final wish is that I stay here overnight."

    So the doctors and the father decide to, and everyone goes home to sleep. The next day, everyone returned to the factory to find all the pink ping pong balls gone and the son. The father was sad but a little angry and decided to search his whole house to find pink ping pong balls but doesn’t find any, and they search the whole factory for the son and the balls. And soon they end up searching the whole earth and never found him.