Ares jokes

I don’t like stairs. They are always up to something.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile. "May I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well, wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

3.14% of sailors are pirates.

You have to tell this to a friend:

There are 30 cows in a field. 20 ate 28 chickens. How many didn't? A: 10

Did you know emo kids are the highest jumpers in the world? Some are still up there!

Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!

Some guy asked me, "Are you better than my meat?" I said, "No, I'm not better, I just beat it all the time."

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 9.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

This bitch won't message me anymore, what the fuck do I do? Why are bitches so sensitive?

"White beta males and fake alpha males are a joke that goes for POC men too."

Why are bees' hair always sticky?

Because they use a honeycomb...

"Left, center, right, and apolitical, also skeptical, are also a joke."

Hope the towers are doing well this morning, and I'll get back to you!

Name what guns are used for. {wrong answers only?}

If your nose runs and your feet smell, you are probably built upside down.

Roses are red, violets are blue,

I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.