Ares jokes
A drunk walks into a bar and says, "All lawyers are assholes!" A guy at the other end of the bar says, "I resent that!" The drunk says, "Why, are you a lawyer?" and the other guy says, "No, I'm an asshole!"
"Are you related to Yoda?"
"Because yo-delicious!"
What are Michael Jackson's pronouns? "He he."
What's the difference between emos and 9/11?
The emos are still there, high up off the ground.
Husband: "Honey, I just bought these special Olympic-style condoms!"
Wife: "Olympic-style condoms? What makes them so special?"
Husband: "They come in three colors: gold, silver, and bronze."
Wife: "Ooh, sweet. What color are you going to wear tonight?"
Husband: "Gold, of course!"
Wife: "Why don't you wear silver? It would be nice if you came second for a change."
Roses are red, don’t touch the toys, these are what the priests use to lure in the boys.
I'm not racist, my best friends are black for Halloween. :)
Roses are red,
romance is dead,
every day I suffer from existential dread.
I still remember my granddad's last words,
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
Jack and Jill went down to hell to fetch your mother's bladder.
Her bladder broke. You two are soaked, and now you have a daughter, 'cause in that bladder was me!
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
Why are people joking about this stuff?
One time a man climbed a mountain and saw a guy.
"Who are you?"
"I am mountain man!"
You are like a thunderstorm; when you go away, like your dad, everyone is happy.
This is not a joke, it's a warning!
You guys are stupid. I am an orphan, and you better stop doing these. BTW, if you are an orphan, put it in the comments and say that it's not funny!
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball? Because they can never find home.
Why are vampires always sick?
Because they are coffin.