Ares jokes

Orphan

    • If you're ever bored, kick an orphan. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

    Boy

    • Little boy asked his dad why he was born black.

    Father replied, "So the heat from the sun doesn't burn your skin."

    Then he asks, "Why is our hair all frizzy like fuse wire?"

    "So the coconuts when falling from the trees won't hurt you."

    "Then what are we doing living in Rochdale? (England)"

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    • Present

    • Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

    The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

    Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

    Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

    The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

    Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

    Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

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    • Parking spot

    • Well, a boy and a girl are in a bathtub together.

    The little boy says, “Hey, you see that? I’m gonna go ask Daddy what it is.” When the little boy asks his dad, he says, “Well, son, that’s your car. You try to park it in a girl’s parking spot.”

    As the boy runs back, he see’s the little girl is missing. It had turned out that the little girl was asking her mama what her spot was and she said, “Well, that’s your parking spot. Never ever let a boy put it in.” When she got back, the little boy tried to put the car in, well he did and she ended up breaking his car that day.

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    • Ares memes

    Rape

    • Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

    Tj: Good... you?

    Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

    Tj: 😏.

    Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

    Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

    Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

    Tj: NO!!!!!!

    1 day later.

    Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

    Clock

    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where's Trump's clock?"

    "Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

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    • Cow

    • A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

    The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

    The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

    The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

    The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

    The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

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    • Beard

    • Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

    So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

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    • Masturbation

    • Boy goes to Confession.

    Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

    Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

    Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

    Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

    -not my joke

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    • Africa

    • Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?

    Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!

    Woman

    • Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

    The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

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    • Masturbation

    • My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."