Ares jokes

You look tall for being a yellow dwarf. You are 432,450 miles tall!

Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

1. They usually happen in the USA.

2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...

She couldn't do either!

Roses are red, Violets are blue, In every step you take, My support stays true.

Why do pills work?

Because they are white.

One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.

How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?

Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.

Children who are unvaccinated are less likely to have autism. You know why?

-You have to be alive to have autism.

Like if you are emo.

If you're ever bored, just bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Cry to their mama and father?

Why are fat people fat? Because they eat like Indians eating curry, except fat people eat many more portions.

So I made a simple cancer joke on Roblox with my friend, and then both her dumb-ass friends were like, "OMG WHY WOULD U SAY DAT? YOUR HORRIBLE!!" That pissed me off. Like damn woman, it's not like I said, "IF PEOPLE IN YOUR FAMILY DIED FROM CANCER THAT MEANS YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE ALL DUMB-ASSES." If anything they are actually dumb asses but hey. Also they can't talk. They don't know that I'm abused everyday at home and pressured to get good grades or else I'd get my head bashed against a wall till there is blood. So if they are reading this, SUCK MY ASS BITCH.

I am Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are HeHee.

Why didn't the pirate write a letter to his mom?

Are you kidding me?!?

Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers?

Because they can go through 100 stories in 7 seconds.

I have a skeleTON of jokes, but none of them are very humorous.

There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"

The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."

How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?

It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.

Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.

Two hunters are in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his gaze is blank. The other hunter grabs his phone and calls emergency services: "My friend is dead! What do I do?"

The emergency dispatcher replies: "Calm down. I can help you. First, make sure he's really dead."

Silence on the other end, then a gunshot. Back on the phone, the hunter asks: "Okay, now what?"