Ares jokes

Rape

    • Gwen: Hi sir, how are you?

    Tj: Good... you?

    Gwen: I am super duper good! And where is your date? It seems like you need one 😉!

    Tj: 😏.

    Gwen: Here, this is your guest hall pass...you may...come in my friend!

    Tj: Thanks but um, don't you think you should be um getting inside too?

    Gwen: 🙁 No thanks sir but I have to work...I am the staff so bye! 😁.

    Tj: NO!!!!!!

    1 day later.

    Gwen: 🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤰🤰🤰👩‍👧‍👦

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    Clock

    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where's Trump's clock?"

    "Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.

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    Cow

    • A momma cow and three baby calves are on a farm. The first baby calf asks the momma cow, "Mom, why is my name Rose?"

    The mom responded, "Well, you see, when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head."

    The second one asks her, "Then why is my name Daisy?"

    The mom chuckled and simply replied with, "When you were born, Daisy petals fell on your head."

    The last one said, "DUH DUR SURH!"

    The mom said, "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!"

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    • Ares memes
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    Masturbation

    • My son caught me masturbating the other day and was like, "Dad, what are you doing?" I said, "Don't worry, you'll be doing it soon." He said, "Why is that?" I told him, "My arm is getting tired."

    Pub

    • Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.

    You can't drink alcohol or dance.

    Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.

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    Beard

    • Why are Palestinian boys so eager to grow a beard?

    So they can use their mum's ID to get in the club.

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    • Number

    • Why shouldn’t you call people in China?

    Because there are so many Wings and Wongs you might "wing" the wrong number.

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    • Masturbation

    • Boy goes to Confession.

    Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"

    Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."

    Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"

    Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"

    -not my joke

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    Africa

    • Do you know why there are no pharmacies and pharmacists in Africa?

    Because you can't take pills on an empty stomach!

    Woman

    • Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.

    The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.

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    • Elbow

    • If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.

    If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"

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