Appearance jokes

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Bro, yo goofy ahh hairline lookin' like a rhombicosidodecahedron.

Yo hairline so ugly, it looks like a newfound constellation.

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.

Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

Yo mama is so ugly Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix that!"

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit?

A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?

Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!

All dumbs aren't blonde.

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

You have gaps in your teeth, looks like your tongue is in jail.

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.

Did you hear that Michael Jackson changed his name from Michael Smith? Well, at least he's honest.

You have more chin than brain cells!

There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.

White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.

Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"