Appearance jokes

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

Yo mama's so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

Your hairline sucks; even Harry Potter could not put it under a spell to turn it back to order.

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Bro, yo goofy ahh hairline lookin' like a rhombicosidodecahedron.

Yo hairline so ugly, it looks like a newfound constellation.

Your hairline is so bad, it's not even McDonald's, it's Dixy Chicken!

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.

Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.

All dumbs aren't blonde.

Yo mama is so ugly Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix that!"

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)