Appearance jokes

Roast

You have such a big forehead it has a 6 pack on it!

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.

Your sister is so ugly, she made Hello Kitty say goodbye.

Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.

I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,

but I never realized they suited me.

I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

How do you know if a chick is too fat?

If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.

Yo mama so ugly, that when Santa came down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho- HOLY SHIT!"

Yo momma's so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology letter.

You are so scary that even your hairline ran away.

What did Scorpion say to the ugly person?

"STAY OVER THERE!"

Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?

Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Yo mama is so ugly Bob the Builder said, "I can't fix that!"

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

All dumbs aren't blonde.

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

You have gaps in your teeth, looks like your tongue is in jail.

You know you're ugly when you get handed the camera every time your friends have a group picture.