i just wanted to say to never let go of family they are everything never let anyone walk all over you and if you are with me like this quote
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
Badass Toilet Paper Company: We don't take shit off of anyone.
public speaking is a more popular fear then snakes and you don't see anyone walking in australia and shout look out a podium
A limbless man sat on the side of a lake everyday. He had no hands or no legs. One day he was crying when a woman was walking by and saw that he was upset, so she asked if he was okay. He replied, "No." The woman said, "Well, what's wrong?" The limbless man said, "I've never been hugged by anyone ever." So the woman, out of kindness, hugged the man. "Are you okay now?" she asked. "No," the man replied. So again the woman asked him what was wrong. He answered, "I've never been kissed before." The woman eagerly gave him a peck on the lips and asked, "Are you okay now?" The man shook his head sadly. The woman asked him what was wrong for the third time. The man said, "I've never been fucked." The woman looked at him, picks him up, throws him in the lake, and says, "Now you are!"
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I was drinking a martini and the waitress screamed “does anyone know CPR?” I yelled, “I know the entire alphabet” and we all laughed and laughed. Well, except one person.
Why can't you tell anyone about space? Because its too out of this world!
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website anyone can fake to be someone there not and no one will know the goddam difference I’m just trying to look at/make jokes and I’m getting shit from people saying “it’s too offensive” or something like goddam just take that shit somewhere else
I was at a restaurant and a waitress yelled "dose anyone know CPR" i said "i know the whole alphabet"everyone laughed and laughed well everyone except one.
Why do orphans hate knock knock jokes? Because there is never anyone at the door.
Why couldn't anyone hear Helen Keller when she fell off a cliff? She was wearing mittens?
What do you call a gun that doesn't kill anyone? -a VEGUN
I always keep anti fungal spray with me....coz I don't want to share my gf with anyone
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the worlds hardest riddle! Good luck 😝- “I turn polar bears white and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid and normal people look like celebrities.”
For some reason when my mom eat hot dogs she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son can anyone tell me why ?
Why did Steven hawking have no friends?
He couldn’t stand anyone...
"Humpty dumpty sat on the wall, humpty dumpty had a great fall.... All the kings horses and all the kings men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows
the cradle will rock when the bough breaks
the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall
and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed anyone know cpr? I said shit I know all the letters of the alphabet. Everyone laughed well except for this 1 guy
