Someone Else Jokes

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Why did the electron leave the atom? Because it had it's ion someone else.

What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else

"Sari"

My wife is pregnant but when we get to doctors something happened..........

What happened?

A:the husband is pregnant too with someone else’s baby not the wife’s baby but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

What is a animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Tip for Kindness for the day.

Tip one. Always speak up for your self. Yes, letting someone else speak up for you is nice but also speak up for your self be brave if a mean bully comes along. Speak up for your self and others if they need it. Best-Gwen

It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. ‘No,’ says the neighbor. ‘The seat is empty.’ ‘This is incredible,’ said the man. ‘Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?’ The neighbor says, ‘Well actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.’ ‘Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible....But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?’ The man shakes his head. ‘No,’ he says. ‘They’re all at the funeral.’

Me: I finished a book with 100 pages Someone else: How was it? Me: It's a long story

So i was laying in bed and jt winter do my room is aleays cold cause the heater doesnt work. And i was thinking.... It would be warmer if someone else was laying here with me.... Then i layghed cause who would wanna be with me. Hahaha

I hope next time you ask your teacher to go to the toilet your teacher says no. But when someone else asks the teacher says yes to them.

Life isn't about pleasing yourself and that you have to do things for the sole benefit of God. It’s like masturbation. Sometimes it’s not getting yourself off, but getting someone else off too. That’s what thighjobs are for.

My wife is so fat. I finally got up the energy to walk around to the other side. I found someone else!

,,Hey,What does IDK mean?" ,,I dont know" ,,Okay,then i am going to ask someone else"

That's not my age; it's just not true. My heart is young; the time just flew. I'm staring at this strange old face,and someone else is in my space.

Son, you are not precious so pack your bags because someone else is going to adopt you

Dad, what do you mean someone else will adopt me

Son, your adopted

Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!

Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on Karien.

Karien: Will I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!

Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.

Karien: That is so boring!

Daiana: Will just work with me please?

Karien: I'll give you a day...24 hours mom!

My Cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day. I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my Cat is a Democrat!