Anyone jokes
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
I didn't ask: ❌
I'm sorry, but it doesn't seem that anyone needed this information, and there doesn't seem to be any chance anyone will need this information in the future. ✔️
Random couple after their first night:
Husband: It was very tasty. 🥵
Wife: Aww, thanks.
Husband: Does anyone had taste it before?
Wife: ☠️
I wasn't going to tell another emo joke, but I didn't want to leave anyone hanging.
A guy on a bus saw a beautiful girl. He asked for her number, and of course, she said no. He asked the bus driver for advice, and he said, "That girl goes to the cemetery to pray every day at 10 p.m. and look for a statue of an angel." So he dresses up as God, goes to the grave, and she sees him. She says, "Oh, Lord, end my misery! Kill me now!" And he said, "Only if you do something for me first." She replied, "What is it, oh mighty Lord?" He said, "Have sex with me." She agreed. They had sex, and when she was done sucking his dick, he said, "I have something to tell you." He took off his costume and said, "I'm the guy from the bus." And she took off her costume: "I'm the bus driver."
(Does anyone remember this? It's an old joke someone made, or does no one remember this? I didn't make this, but it went smth like this)
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”
I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine? Anyone know what he means?
Why couldn’t anyone see the bird?
Because it was in da skies.
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Anyone up for some Fortnite?
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
If you are going to bully anyone, then bully an orphan, because what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.
Teacher: Is anyone's parents missing?
Students: Yeah, yours.
Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
Why didn't anyone laugh at pizza jokes?
Because they were too cheesy!