Anyone jokes
A week before Christmas my wife left me. She said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore.
On Christmas Eve, Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "All I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world."
On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.
Anyone up for some Fortnite?
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
Anyone got any good Floyd jokes? I really need them to take my breath away.
What do you do after you rape a deaf girl?
Cut off her fingers so she can't tell anyone.
Memes
anyone here?
Anyone here a spoon?
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.
Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.
Anyone got any new jokes? I ran through all the pages already.
If you are going to bully anyone, then bully an orphan, because what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Anyone wanna chat? I'm new and don't know many people.
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
Anyone on this app is homeless and has no point in life. Well, I'm on this app 24/7, so do I have no point in life 24/7, or am I just weird and unwanted?
Teacher: Is anyone's parents missing?
Students: Yeah, yours.
Why is Stephen Hawking not scared of anyone?
His wheelchair always backs him up.
Anyone want to fuck? Cause my sisters are such cunts!
Why didn't anyone laugh at pizza jokes?
Because they were too cheesy!
Is their [there] a doctor anywhere?
My mom has a few problems & those problems is [are] that my mom has big tits, fat ass & sweet pussy that needs attention. Help anyone.
Does anyone else here eat pretzels with Nutella? It tastes AMAZINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
Dude, has anyone made a joke about small foreheads? Oh wait... they would be nonexistent.