ANS jokes
TEST QUESTION: what looks like half an apple?
My cousin: the other half.
I have an exam next week, so I called my ex and asked if she had any cheating tips.
So yesterday, I was at an orphanage, harassing children by twerking at them.
They burst into tears.
I was worried that they would call their mom, well... um... I got away.
What's the difference between an apple and a child?
The apple gets picked.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
What do you call an act of “funny” discipline? A PUN-ishment!
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
Boy Scout...
- A kid who dressed like an idiot.
- An idiot who dressed like a kid.
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
What’s the difference between an Indian and an Arab?
One's responsible for 7/11, the other's responsible for 9/11.
How many white police officers does it take to push an African-American gentleman down the stairs?
Push?! He fell...
A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his best friend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.
What do you call an autistic person? Names.
I'm autistic myself, so don't go crying in my comment section.
Why did God create yeast infections?
So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.
What does an orphan call a family photo?
A wishlist.
What’s the best thing about dating an orphan?
You don’t need parental consent.
I regret my abortion.
I didn’t know child labor was an option.
I bought an orphan kid an iPhone.
Guess what? It had no home button.